this be christina
Je m'appelle Christina et je veux faire l'extraordinaire
bucket list
join the mile high club ;)
learn to salsa
watch a fashion runway show
own something from Tiffany's
learn 10 more foreign sayings
play paintball
discover our very own secret beach. and garden
go-kart
watch the sunrise by the beach, again
a part-time bartender
work in a foreign cafe
get on to DEAL OR NO DEAL
kiss & don't tell
Monday, October 19
i had imagined the first day of our final year to be joyous
instead,
i realized, we're in year 11 for another month
ARGH, STUPID DELAYED SCHOOL WHO'LL ALWAYS BE BEHIND THE SYLLABUS, :@ CHESO YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL US
okay i didn't mean that! i'm taking my anger out on you because i ate like 3 plates of dinner after school today! and a cup of dessert. me eating truckloads ends here! today! it took so long to study today but it feels good to not have spent my arvo on the net like i always do. i love my mum for changing my user password. omg and how ironic, i was full prepped to nerd out today, brought the books and everything and we did shit all every lesson! ironically, the only lesson i did lots of work in was my free period, well, i'm going to call it my french period now - i shouldn't have been using them as frees. :( and oh my, the library is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO dead without year twelves. they used to distract me heaps with their loud conversations and lively laughs......... :(
jap overall = 73%. YAY I IMPROVED BY 4%
my textiles bag tht i did in one day = 3/10 HAHA
maths ext1 = 15/60 LOLL BUT I BEAT JIMMY BY A MARK SO HE OWES ME WICKED WINGS
english = ........
i wish i could take this seriously! anyway, i think staying off the net is a major step on its own :)
GOOOD LUCK HSC KIDS OMG TMRW TMRW TMRW :(
Saturday, October 17
i feel out of place again
but it's something i've got to get by on my own
i appreciate all those warm words and the shoulders i've been able to lean on
i can't believe we're in year 12 on monday
i can't believe a lot of things. hm, tomorrow's a new day!
Thursday, October 15
young boy, there's no need to feel down!
[edit]
i'm halfway cleaning my room, then decided to keep 'looking at older posts' on my wall. i realized, so many comments were left unreplied to. texts are as well, and i'm sorry for that! i hate when it happens to me so i shouldn't do that, but most of the time its a fat accident. anyway it's interesting reading wall to walls to the very bottom, how much have we changed? hmm?
[/edit]
editedit
LOOK WHAT I SAW BLOSIA WRITE ON FACEBOOK
cheese
has holes. the more cheese you have the more holes you have. the more
holes you have the less cheese you have. the more cheese you have the
less cheese you haveLOLLLL i am eating icecream and laughing. omg at me and food these past few days, fml ! nah, i like life, but, this icecream has got to stop!
/editedit
I lagged it a bit, but I finished Looking For Alibrandi, again. I'm now telling myself that whenever I feel lost, out of place, I will read. Maybe this very book, over and over again because I like her values and I loved reading about her change. I've always felt connected to her because we have such similarities, though, she might be more uptight than I am, but I understand the girl, you know? It made me feel a bit uneasy, because when I finished it, her hsc year felt so short, it went by like that. Time isn't going to slow down for anybody. Use it wisely and take in all the learning experiences. I won't fall in love like she did, or meet my father for the very first time, but hopefully, I'll mature the way she did. I hope I reach that point, that 'one day' in my life where I understand. At least I'm beginning to see what matters, and what doesn't.
People are funny.
There are people who say they'll always be there, but they won't. People get jealous, or consumed in their own conflicts, doing their own thing. They're not to blame. There are people who are with you every step of the way, because either it's in their nature to care, or they just really worry about you. There are people who are disappointed by your actions, yet, still help you find your way. Then there are the disappointed, who are fed up, and are over it. Couldn't care less about your intentions now. There are so many other variations, but let's just say, what I've learned is that you should accept them for who they are. Don't get me wrong, I haven't learned to accept them myself, I get angry too you know and it's hard to understand, but I know that I should. Okay I just realized how stupid it all sounded HAHA. I don't want to be a sheep by the way, I've been given this role for a reason and hopefully I carry it out like I should. I want to fix my alarm clock too now, I think it'll break my mum's heart when she finds out it's broken LOL no, really though - I'm a heavy sleeper and it took her forever to find one that would wake me up, she searched high and low and she really likes the alarm tone.
here's a friendly reminder that, you need new books for year 12 :) have fun back to school shopping!
it's a clean slate, right?
if i'm haunted by my yr 11 mistakes, i'm going to be really sad :(
i hope open highschool forgive me too
i hope maths will be durable - jimmy's moving to the front, which is great on his half because then he won't have to deal with my nonsense, i talk a lottttt! but but then he won't be there when i ask for help, i'm so confused easily. i hope i can do it without him there :( i hope i can take ms southwell's class the month after.
i have to write a list of things i want to buy, because, house arrest, boo :( my melbourne flight tickets have been confirmed, THE 22nd till the 6th of January - fingers crossed somebody I know will be down there. if not, it's okay, if he still lives near the library, i'll be happy, booooks! AND AND AND I HAD THIS DREAM THAT JARRYD HAYNE WROTE ON MY WALL AND STARTED ARGUING WITH SOME GUY, TELLING ME THAT I WAS GORGEOUS LOL. I have no idea, I'm merely recounting. I want to go to Borders. I want to be out in the sunshine! I want to be walking the streets of Newtown - we were so much more carefree. I really should start looking into what it is that I'd like to do at uni. It can't just be partying and a pretty building - I've got to like my course and it must have some alright job prospects. Maybe I do want to be in pretty suits, carrying Starbucks cups. What I really want, is to not grow up ignorant, I want to expand my horizons and accept everybody, and hand that down to my kids :) Whoa, what an entry, I think I'm going psycho. Oh, and I'm getting so fat from staying home - all I do is eat ice cream, I think I finished a tub, but, BUBBLEGUM FLAVOURED.
I need to find pictures, because I need more and more motivation.
I want pictures of everywhere I want to go. I need a wall, like Nicole's motivation wall. I'M GOING TO MAKE ONE :) I don't know when, but I will! I don't know when I'm getting out of my shell, but I hope soon, because I can't mope around in year 12, time is money muahaha. OKAY GOING GOING NOW!
oh, i'm also
on a hunt for the perfect school bag! i also need some newschool shirts. BUT YES, THE PERFECT SCHOOL BAG:(
i made a bit of a book list, and dvd read -things to watch and read. i also thing that i should find Breakfast At Tiffany's to read.
any great book suggestions? movie suggestions? tell me, what's changed your life :)
Wednesday, October 14
i usually write these out
in bubbly writing with colourful pens on lined school paper
but to be frank, it's 4am and i'm tired
PLACES I WANT TO GO, THINGS I WANT TO DO, THINGS I WANT TO BE
melbourne,
lord of the fries, tram riding, strolling in a foreign city, being jimmy's tourguide, spending a lot of time at st albans library reading, just reading, reading on walks, eating at that lebo bakery i go to when i'm there, oh i hope dad doesn't move, because i really like that suburb :S i want to walk to step sisters to school, but it will be school holidays by then! i want to go to markets, go to ikea brekkies and karaoke till my lungs can't take it any more. i want to study of course. i want to meet a kind stranger whilst i'm gallavanting on my own. life's been great hasn't it, to have met such nice people, even if i won't see them again. christmas. the christmas spirit is here, it's october and department stores across the universe are so ahead with the xmas merchandising. i love this time of the year because christmas decorations make me feel giddy. i love walking in the city to see trees or tinsel around the streets. i love melbourne central's myer because it's so christmassy. i want to have money to buy the people i love gifts this year, but i know for a fact that i am a terrible and selfish saver, so i will stick to giving warm hugs and a promise that i will shout if you come out and we catch up over hot cocoa.
school,
year 12 camp, i hope it is fun fun fun and fun - not only fun, but all it's made out to be with what they told me. i hope our grade become bumchumsss haha seriously just like them. i hope teachers get closer to everybody because it would be a shame to not get to feel the love of it all, i hope cabins have no drama, especially ours, to be selfish, i hope the bus ride there and back is so quick because we're having fun or being silly. i hope we sing, and chat and chat about everything there is to chat about. and alex, i hope she brings that shampoo bottle, just for it's giggles! photos of fun, relaxing, simple, fun, that's all i need :) may school stay fun. may i have the strength to work hard in class and not be dozing off or trailing off or talking. no more talkng:) then there's so much more happening, even with the formal and how we really want to find sexy long dresses but that's too far away and i've gotten bored thinking about it
I WAS ABOUT TO GO ON AND ON AND ON BUT I GUESS I AM UNINSPIRED NOW, IT'S TIME TO SLEEP. COME AROUND ANOTHER NIGHT:)
oh oh oh i really really really really want to be living your typical american tv new york christmas right now! look, it's coming back! nah it's gone now :(
Tuesday, October 13
I think I should blog to break the silence :) haha look, it's still heaps tense all around, but I have more of an idea of what's right or wrong. I used to say that nothing's ever black or white, I saw myself as a shades of grey kind of girl - like, nobody's completely good or bad, that there's so much more to each and every circumstance. Now, I'm unsure. There's a lot of things I'm unsure about, and still a lot I want to see. I was so close to buying 90210 season 3 today, because I like being stuck in the 90's, but I thought, my pay check should go straight to my mum and I should stop buying distractions :) it's true. but i can't wait til i feel less guilty to buy it, i want to see 90's shit! i was digging on old photos early, that's always good therapy. you look at family members, even some you never talk to these days, or those who've changed so much - you feel kind of sad that you never got to know the person in the photographs, but hey, at least there's something, even if minor, to hold onto.
i bought OJ today, why why why? like $5 oj, who does that haha - surely i'm not the type to! it was an impulse decision and whoa, it's as big as the boost cups and i chugged it in 3 mins! oh and my manager is so understanding, i love that girl! i don't think i'll want to leave that place til after my hsc, she is nice and i'm STAYING>:) and i hope i never get caught (because ur fired on the spot without references) with my phone out or like today when i read for most of my shift. omg, i'm reading btw! i hope this just grows and grows. i want to read everything. come on christina, unleash your inner book worm! haha that was lame, but that's the mood i'm in :) oh and wicked wings are always cheerful! oh and i bought mia moo this beautiful Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs book - it comes with a bracelet thingo too, it's a bit too old though, like, a one year old can't read, but I hope lisa reads her fairytales like these so she can grow up in a magical world, wanting to be a disney princess like i did. disney princesses a great :) i wanted to be the first one to buy her a barbie doll but i'm broke, so hopefully nobody does, because i'll save that til when she's two :) i'm sad that i can't go though - house arrest sucks, i even got told off for walking home late because i went to big w after work :( but it's okay, NO COMPLAINTS. STOP COMPLAINING LOL oh and i have to catch the bus for a month, that's good that they're disciplining me, i need this! woo. okay, i probably won't feel the same next week when i look like shit for school and forget to pack my water and lunch and JUST made it at the bus stop when the bus arrives and i realise i forget my wallet with my bus pass! oh i have too much time on my hands! TIME TO GET OFF THE COMPUTER. :)
oh p.s. i can't escape to the coast, they changed their minds, i'm not allowed because i guess they realize that would be benefitting me :)
Monday, October 12
First of all, I would like to thank everybody that was there for me, whether it be with their words of support, advice, shoulders to lean on, ears to lend or sweet offers on taking me out for ice-cream that isn't from Macca's. Also, to everybody that's helped me in anyway, although not many know about my blog, I'm grateful and I hope that I'm showing it. Oh I love Macca's ice-cream by the way, I wasn't bagging it out. I don't know whether this will be long or not, but there's just so much to say and so many emotions felt over the past twenty-four hours. I've learned a lot, especially the fact that there are still so many things out there for me to learn. Life is going to be filled with mistakes and tough situations. I feel guilty for saying tough situations, because, it wasn't tough in the first place - it never was, it was my own mistakes. The future is in your own hands, and I know for a fact that I let a lot of people down. This year so far, has been such a milestone for me, and although I've done a lot of regrettable things, I'm still learning, so bare with me here. It upsets me to know that I've disappointed a lot of people. It was never meant to be that way - if I could do it all again and take that back, I would. I don't want to hurt you, or you, or you. My mum used to tell me, over and over again, why would you hurt the ones who love you and take care of you when you're sick? I didn't think of consequences, I just didn't think.
For now, I'm grateful that I'm not made move to Melbourne, I have Alina's mum to thank for that. I know, temporarily, that felt like a great alternative, a great escape route but I know that in the long run it would've screwed me over. Like Lam said, how could I just leave, after spending 16 years here, I grew up right here and it was hurting me to have to throw it all away. There are still consequences though, on top of the damages done, I won't be partying or going out for a long time. Also, I will be spending three weeks next holidays in Melbourne with my dad. This is over Christmas and New Years, so none of my party plans are really going through but that shouldn't matter. I should be focusing on the bigger picture, the more valuable things. I've lost the two most important things, trust and respect. It'll take a long time to retrieve, but I'm willing to make it work. I've been told many times to be strong, thanks guys, although it's easier said than done, I'm more determined than ever to make it right. I want to earn my respect back, from my mother, from some very important people in my life and most importantly, my own self respect. I'm such a lucky girl though, so I don't know what this is or why I've been screwing up, it's time to open my eyes and actually see it all. There's so much more to say, but to be honest, I'm so drained, so I'll leave it at this. After my shift tomorrow night, I'll be going up the coast with my stepdad for a few days. I hope this time away from it all, I'll get work and have good time to think hard about it all.
I'm sorry,
If I could've done things differently, I would've, all I could hope for now, is to have learned this lesson well, and to treat you better. You get what you give, and it's about time I give respect.
Sunday, October 11
okay i know i've repeated this so many times
but,
i fucked up
in each and every way possible
every aspect,
i'm looking back on it all and trust me, i have never felt so disappointed. i want to erase everything, and run away, but i can't - that doesn't fix anything. somebody please tell me, is melbourne considered as running away? or does that make for a clean slate. i don't know what it is.
i laughed at the comments earlier as well . and kingkathy, sorry baby i honestly was thinking abt yourhsc. i hope we party hard one day
okay lam danny and kevin have been cheering me up
but
i don't know what's happening
whether to fight or just
fucking deal with it
but
Kevin says:
*FIGHT TO STAY
*No fucking way you're leaving
*There's too much for you here to leave behind
i loved that. i really did. fuck man i don't know anymore. i called my manager already. maybe this really is happening. if isn't, how embarrassing. but fuck fuck fuck.
to those who helped me or wanted to help me clean up, thank you. man i don't know if this is goodbye, i'm so confused
edit
i love my mum
i'm in big trouble though, didn't want to mislead you
i wish i showed her that
i wish i treated her like i love her
i wish i gave her respect. suddenly, everything came falling down, and i don't want to fight it. i think it's settled. i don't want to fight it because i know i'm in the wrong. i'll take what comes my way
It's almost 6am, I turned off my computer to continue focusing on mopping and nothing but mopping! I had this sudden urge to blog though, I think it was just a lot of realizations all in one go. I can't believe that's what happens when you're cleaning in solitude. As a matter of fact, I've never cleaned so much in my life, and it wasn't even that much - I find that sad, I should really help around the house more often. I can feel a new day's sunrise coming, and I wish I were far away. I'm sick of responsibility, yet, I'm sick of not taking any. I'm confused as to where I am right now, and where I'd like to be. I'm making mistakes, and it's okay. That's what makes you who you are. So for tonight, or last night, I guess I wouldn't take it back. I didn't go around socializing, not from what I remembered, but I learned a bit of something something from here and there. I saw the good and bad in people, things I didn't see before. At one stage, I remember feeling ecstatic because some people were so caring! Also, I'm finally turned off, thanks guys, really :)) And to those who did make it here tonight, thank you - I appreciate it heaps, as you know me, I stress and I freak out. I learned that I should always be more prepped - I can't believe I forgot the most important thing, a mistake I didn't learn from my other party, PUT THE ALL THE MATS AND RUGS AWAY. Far, it fucks you up so much :( I understand my mum's pain when it comes to cleaning now. She'd be proud of me if she saw me, well, not really, I don't know how I'm going to be able to face her when she's home.  I also thank Jenny, Quoc and Mell for being there heaps early and helping out as much as they could. Thanks for driving, Quoc, I mean, everywhere these days :) and everyone! Lam, I can't believe I wrote Jenny earlier, thanks as always for the lashes and calming me when I'm shitting myself - I know you tried to make sure I was having a good time, as well as everybody else, thank you - I could feel the love haha. For those who garbaged most of my backyard up, tried sweeping and mopping etc, thanks! To those who tried to keep it under control or who kept their optimism, I've never been more grateful!Also, to Alina Ngo, who always has my back, or tries her hardest to! I love how she tried staying up, even though her body said no! I love how she asks me to scratch her itchy bum LMAO. I love how we can enjoy 4am maccas, well tbh, WHO WOULDN'T, I think you're missing out on a wonderful feeling if you don't enjoy this! I love how you always try and keep my room clean, esp my table. I love how you make my bed. I love how you do my dishes but never do your own LOL. I love how that with us, sharing is caring and we can roll like mi casa su casa :) I don't know what's happening, but I think I no longer crave partying as I did before. Or beach. I have no excitement for that right this moment. I feel like learning. I feel like passing school with flying colours. I feel like hugging everybody and just staying close and peaceful, keeping in touch. That's all I feel like. I want to enjoy it, and right now, I think all I need is a cuppa tea, and maybe some time on my porch - me and a book - maybe some 2 unit. This is fucking weird isn't it, I don't know if it's the guilt or whatever, but something's come over me and all I want is .. to shop On a brighter note, I bought the sleek black coat from Dotti, and it makes me feel good - like a spy, like a high-class call girl ;) hahaha well, I was also very amused that I can run errands so quick when we drive instead of delayed public transport. I can't wait to get a car, I don't think I could ever go back to walking to train stations. I'll find more photos later !xx
aww i just read my comments on the last entry, I LOVE YOU GUYS! YOU MAKE ME SMILE, IT'S THE REASON I DON'T SHUT UP (STOP BLOGGING)
well it's 1:22 am and jan is fucked up, he's wearing my bra and everything and checking out double D's, matias is passed out on my couch, sam & gomez & alina are helping me clean, FFSSSSSSS LOLLLLLLL
THERE IS A HOLE IN MY WALL AND MY LIVINGROOM GLASS COFFEE TABLE IS BROKEN IN FOUR PIECES HAHAHAHA
GOOODNIGHTTTTTTTTTTT
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