anyway, to be honest, i don't know if how i'm reacting is healthy. since the term has started, i've been freaking out so much. i know, it's the same and we still haven't even begun assessments, but it's scaring the shit out of me. i'm different now. i miss being the me that didn't have a care in the world. it's hitting me hard right now and even jimmy has been asking wtf is wrong with you, in maths. LOL well, i'm feeling so grateful right now. thanks for being there in maths, i honestly don't know what i'd do without you. btw my halfyearly ranking 2nd, dropped to 15th in the yearly, for 2U. LOL :( but hey, clean slate for hsc. BUT STILL, I HAVE TO GET BACK UP THERE. THIS ISN'T GOOD >=(
and lam, thanks for helping me see stuff in a different perspective. thanks to lots of people actually. like, i know it's early for me to act like this, but so what, it'll benefit me later. i NEED to get into habit. in the end, it's YOU that makes your future - nobody else can do it for you - and, like she said, not like any of your friends no matter how great they are could lend u some atar points! it's up to you baby. and everybody's different okay? some people managed to party so hard and still get above 95uai. some people studied their asses off, never went out and received a 70uai. well, i'm going to do what works for me. and if it's taking a whole 12 months of social isolation, well, i guess that's okay. and i don't want to exaggerate, seriously - it won't be social isolation, but more of a drift, and prioritizing. it's like a see you later, after it all :) it's just more of a, i shouldn't be spending fucking 7 hours on facebook and msn when i could be learning new maths formulas and shiznit. seriously, GONE ARE THE DAYS OF NET JUNKIE :( BE GONE! i'm going to be so upset with myself if i can't control myself. the reason i'm reaaaaaally upset is because i know i can do this. and i'm even more upset at myself for not trying this year, far out - yr 11, if i'd just done it properly, i wouldn't feel so shit right now. if i'd just did all my french work on time, i wouldn't be lagging and feel so inadequate. i wouldn't have to be wasting time now learning yr 11 maths still! if i'd just done things when they should've been done. but hey, lesson learn and all you can do now is make sure the kids below don't repeat your mistake. :) i guess, if i could take back all those times i went out instead of study for an exam, i wouldn't. solid memories okay?
i just borrowed my sister's keeper, and hopefully i'll finish it in like a week or two. then i'll probably borrow the pact. and i'm thinking of going to english tutor - i definitely need it but i just hope it helps! any suggestions?
oh god, i hate feeling so scared by the way
today we were in the senior study room
and i was looking at the list of careers and asking people to pick what i should be
i looked at barrister and laughed, at how badly i used to want to be one. that's aiming pretty high buddy, i wish i could! i wish i'd picked science because psychology seems like something i'd enjoy. robert thinks i could soo be a G.P. 8) and alina thinks i should be a magazine editor haha those would both be pretty awesome jobs. i want freebies in my career! oh god i want to be paid to travel and taste test!
for now, i just want to rank top ten in english :( i killed my ranking this year, but maybe i can get it up. maybe, just maybe! i want to get back to top ten in 2U as well :( and for french, i don't want to be last, but most likely i am LOL :( and jap, please 7th or someting. and texitlers, please 5th or something. WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES. ugh ugh ugh ugh LOL. anyway,woo to the new easyway in fairfield, i did enjoy my honeydew iced tea with jelllllllllllllly at work, very much!
